A poem for my wife, while I'm at work:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
When I get home from work
do you you wanna make out o somesing?

PENN STATE!!!!!!!

Why...

...is life so hard? Why is the right path narrow?

Why is sin so much fun, and easy to do?

Why are rainbows good?

Why do I bother asking?

Why...

Y...

Hmmm..

I think.. therefore I am.

A penny saved is a penny earned...

I'll give you a penny for your thoughts... penny spent...

Care for two?

...cents that is...

or perhaps sense?

I have a few of the those... 7 if you want to get technical...

Whatev....
...er

Do you think that you know me?

Do you think you have a clue?

Here's one:

I'm human.

You could learn everything there is to know about me by that statement.

I'm naive. Ignorant. A sinner. A struggler. I'm dishonest. I have no will power.

I suck.

Do you?

Care to wager?

Whataya gonna do?

The Boss...

This may just be pensive rambling of a bitter soul... could just be a random notion... could just be a proverbial wild hair up my proverbial rear-end...

BUT... I was driving to work yesterday. Doesn't seem to out of the ordinary, huh? Of course, I wasn't in my car, as it has just been finished... I was driving in the Bidwells (Laura's bosses) Toyota Highlander. One of the best features of their pimp wagon is SIRIUS satellite radio.

I've always thought to myself "Self, SIRIUS and XM aren't really that cool. They're pretty much, whatever. Who really needs 'em?"

Well, that was before I had one at my disposal. I've fallen in love with the comedy channel. It's 24 hours of stand-up comedy, and they play a TON of Mitch Hedberg which is AWESOME!

Anyway, there was and AD on (for being 'ad free' radio, there sure are a lot of ads!) for another channel. Channel 10.

My mind began to wander as I heard what came from the stock system in this g-ride. I heard that Bruce Springsteen now has HIS OWN channel on SIRIUS.

That's right, and channel that plays NON-STOP (except for the 'commercial-free' commercial breaks...) Bruce Springsteen music. Concerts, interviews, CDs... crazy.

I thought, "Man, what am I doing wrong? Is it no talent?" I'd like to think I'm kind of a decent guitar player, so hopefully that's out of the question.

"Is it for a lack of drive?"

No... I play my hind-quarters off every chance that I get.

"Is it my image?"

No, this picture (from my Springsteen archive.. you know, from when me and him hung out all the time...) pretty much proves that:

I mean, seriously... I'm strugglin' to just make a record that people will actually want to listen to and this dude gets his OWN TWENTY-FOUR HOUR channel on SIRIUS? I mean, I understand that he's 'The Boss' and all... but dang... can't a brother catch a break?

Yeah... here's a nerdy ending for you:

< / r a n t >

Enspireashun...

...I need some.

My 'artistic life' is becoming routine. I play a lot of music, however I'm not writing much and I'm recording less! I draw up new shirts, and marketing ideas that pretty much never make it to the computer screen, or less end up printed.

What's the deal?

I'm in the most amazing, adventurous, crazy time of my life. My dog is cool. My wife is pretty awesome too. My friends are the best that you could ask for. I've got a great job working with some of the coolest people I know.

Seems that my creativity is significantly decreased when I'm on the top of world. I re-read a Secret today that I ran across the other day:

Now, I'm not saying that I'm depressed, don't hear that... however the writer makes sense to me. Seems as if I'm that artist that envokes their jealousy. It's not even so much that I'm not inspired... as there are many things in my life that strike awe and wonder within me. It's just that I can't harness the inspiration that I recieve daily.

What's a dude to do?

Not just some lame bumper sticker...

I realized today that I love my wife.

"Weird..." you're thinking, I'm sure.

"...how can he just now realize that?"

I don't know everything in life, but I know a lot... maybe more than most. I even knew a lot about us:

I knew that I was in love with her the very moment I saw her. I knew that she would be my wife in that moment as well. I knew that it would be able a battle to win her heart... a battle that could only be won with God on my side! I knew that she would make an amazing wife, and an incredible mother.

I didn't, however, really understand intimacy. I tried to get a deeper understanding the word.... so I went to webster.com.

1b : belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature
2 : marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the someone>

See, I had a knowledge of Laura Beth... but not an INTIMATE knowledge of Laura Beth.

Before we got married, we might as well have been living together: I would get to the house around 7:30 in the morning... just in time to kiss her goodbye as she headed off to work. I would then make myself breakfast, grab a shower, get dressed and head off to work. After a 'long day at the office' I would come back to the house for dinner and a movie (or whatever we had planned that night), I would then stay until it got way too late and I would head home, or to my parents house, or whatever.

I thought "Man, there's not really that much more that I could learn about her..." I would even go so far as to say "...and there's no way that I could love her more than I do now!"

I couldn't have been more wrong.

As I sit on my couch... roughly 10 'til 9pm on Wedneesday... I'm coming to the conclusion that I didn't actually love her until today.

Don't get me wrong... I LIKED her a whole lot bunches, and I was (and am) most certainly IN love with her.

God has been teaching me over the last couple weeks (you know, in the wicked long time I've been married) the difference between loving someone and and being IN love with somebody.

It's easy to be in love with my wife. She's wicked hot. She's more-than-intelligent. She's got an amazing sense of humor, and an even more incredible personality. You can refer to previous posts for a more detailed list.

However,

It's hard (sometimes)

to love

my wife.

She nags me. She whines a lot. She doesn't use her blinker when switches lanes or turns. She always forgets to log out of Myspace and Facebook when she's done. And she can't seem to close the bag of doggy treats EVERY morning.

But I realize it's in these moments that I can not possibly live without her. God has designed her (idiosyncrasies and all) to fit me perfectly. You see, all the things she does that drive me nuts are things I don't do... as all the things that I do that drive her up a wall are things that SHE doesn't do. It's like pieces of a puzzle finally falling into place.

In my quest to discover the meaning of intimacy, I read a dozen or so articles from teachers, philosohpers and religious leaders trying to describe what intimacy is.

Finally, I ran into someone who helped to make it make more sense. Jim Hines is the Executive Pastor of Summit Church, and also happens to be my direct suppirior at work. He went to the Ukrane a few weeks ago (as he does about a billion times a year) and upon his arrivial home (just in time to make it our wedding!) all that he could talk about was how much he missed his wife.

"Outside of anything obvious," he said "I missed the feeling of Mary sleeping next to me."

"Sleeping alone just sucked!"

He had my attention.

"You know what intimacy is, Slim?"

"No... not really... enlighten me."

"Sitting on the couch next to my wife, knowing that no matter what idiot or bonehead move I make, she'll still be right there... on the couch loving me just the same."

Wow.

I pondered that notion today at dinner.

I'm not sure why.

But I did.

She looked across the table at me and asked if I wanted to go to the christian bookstore with her. Not something I was entirely interested in.

"Nah... I'm good." I said without a thought or hesitation.

I finished my dinner, cleaned off the table and sat down to watch TV and surf the net. This concept of intimacy kept running in circles around my brain.

Many circles spun 'round my cranium long enough for me to notice that I was sitting.... on my couch... alone.

I was sad. My stomach turned. A single tear fell from one of the round things at the top of my head... eyes, I think they're called. I knew that she would be back, after all she was just going to the store. I knew that the loved me and felt loved.

But still, I felt alone... a part from the lover, my partner, my mate, my wife. A feeling that I didn't want to feel?

What changed? Did I miss the nagging? The perpetual not logging out of online networking communities?

No.

I missed her.

All of her.

I loved my wife for the first time... the way that God intended.

Life seemed in an instant to make a little bit more sense.

I sit here... breathing a fresh breath of life. Content. Happy. Loving everything about my life and my wife.... all of it... all of her.

And with that, I'm off to bed... with my wife... whom I love.