I got these cute comments the other day...

...on my "Mike Scott" blog post.

They're both pretty funny. I wish that my response could've been as funny.

Here it is, for your viewing pleasure.

Tee hee hee...

Little kids make me laugh. They're just so cute... Bill Cosby was right: Kids really DO say the darnedest things!

Especially when they try to talk like 'big boys' but aren't man enough to leave their contact information, or better yet: remain anonymous.

Since some people obviously need enlightenment, I will touch on those things covered in my these two comments.

I'll have to disregard the blatant lack of proper grammar, punctuation and capitalization in the comments from this young man or woman (I can only assume with back-to-back comments one minute apart they are from the same person)

"What a punk ass kid you are."
Punk Ass? Yes.
Kid? In the eyes of middle schoolers, not so much. In the eyes of war vets, retirees and my parents, totally.

"You are an idiot."
The famous philosopher was once quoted as saying "Stupid is, as stupid does." I'm certainly not the one posting half-witted, anonymous comments on people's blogs.

Plus, my IQ is in the low 170's... I've taken the MENSA test 3 times, and passed every time. Compare that with the national average IQ of 98, and the fact that you don't know what MENSA is, I'd say that I'm doing pretty good. But hey, what do I know? I mean, I'm only a genius and all...

"K-9 swat wanna be."
Duh. I think it was pretty obvious in the blog posting that I am, in fact, K-9 swat wanna be. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

"You need to get back on your medication."
Sure. Lunesta is a BEAUTIFUL thing. Money is tight right now though... spare a couple bucks to get me back on my much needed meds?

"Maybe your lard ass..."
Evidently you didn't bother to read my other blog. You know, the one about my quest to lose weight.

That blog would tend to indicate that I already acknowledge the fact that I may or may not be on the 'heavy side'. Thanks, again, for pointing out the blatantly obvious.

"...would like to meet up with a true and honest officer."
If you have one to suggest, please do. Otherwise I'll just keep chit-chatting with the almost 2 dozen Lee and Collier police officers that I'm proud to call "friend" (including the great Sheriff Mike Scott).

"Just because you see a few signs around, you think you have all the answers, wrong you don't have a clue about what's going on."
Umm... okay. Good call. What was I thinking!? Thanks for opening my eyes.

"Get a life."
One like yours? I'm sure your life is pretty fabulous. Please, my email is slimwhitley@aol.com ... drop me a line... let me know how great your life is.

"Are you gay or what?"
If my options are:
A. Gay
B. What

I would have to go with "B. What". Unless you'd like me to be gay... because it seems as if you've got a 'thing' for me. I can't say that I blame you.. most men and woman find themselves instantly attracted to me. Join the club.

"You think Scott is sexy, you've got to be kidding."
Very good, I AM kidding! You picked up on the thing we grown-ups like to call "Humor". You're awesome.

"Looking at you're picture, I don't know how you even got a girl..."
If I'm such an eye-sore for you to look at, how's about you stop looking at my picture? Unless you're still hung up on your 'thing' for me. In which case, be my guest.

As far as how I got a girl:

Mostly luck. Large amounts of luck. The rest was just a little bit of class, wit, humor and fantastic hair.

"Maybe it's your sister."
I have two sisters, both are quite lovely girls. However, my wife is neither of them.

"Have you ever heard of contacts."
Seriously? That's the stab you try to take at me?

Do you walk up to everyone with glasses, call 'em "four-eyes" and ask them if they've "ever heard of contacts"? If not, I think you should. It'd be funny. I certainly hope that you will always be able to have your perfect vision that you must obviously have.

"And the peach fuzz you call a beard wow!"
A. Surprisingly it is not peach fuzz. If really is facial hair. It may LOOK like peach fuzz, but I assure you, what little bit there is, is indeed real hair.

B. That I call a beard?! I don't recall calling it a beard. I actually don't recall referring to it as anything.

C. If I WAS going to refer to my facial hair, I would certainly not call it a 'beard'. Mainly because it's not. I believe that the facial hair style that you were looking for was "Goatee". I have a goatee... not a beard.

D. I'm sorry that my hair is not as epic as yours is. Do you have any pointers for me?!

Well. Thank about concludes it. Hopefully this will help to make you understand a thing or two about me. Please feel free to email me your number, maybe address. I'd love to send you a thank you card or something.

Peace,
SLIM